Almost every evening I can be found in my office writing my thoughts away in a journal. It’s my time to reflect on the decisions I’ve made for that day and how my feelings got me to that point. I’m the sensitive type so unfortunately my feelings damn near control my life in the way I react to things or the way I receive information. Taking the time to actually sit in my emotions and go over them with a fine tooth comb helps me understand my thought process.
There is nothing off limits in my journal. I see this as both my blessing and my curse. My blessing because writing my feelings out is the best release from the stress I hold until I put pen to paper. My curse because I tend to only focus on the negative aspects of what caused that stress. Looking back I realized I never offered myself any solution to my problems. I cringe sometimes reading over years worth of emotions where I would state my problem, state how I reacted and justify my wrong doings with how I handled things. There’s always a better path at getting out of a funk but I would mostly choose the worst way (yelling, cursing, being argumentative for no reason because I’m willing to fight to protect myself from ever being wrong) at getting out of my funk. There’s always a silver lining to any emotionally draining situation where it feels as though the emotions have taken over and you’ve been thrown to the passenger side of your own life. Logical and rational thinking take a back seat while my emotions are in full control of life’s vehicle. Unfortunately I still have not found a way to get out of the passenger seat and use every one of my personalities in the car to my advantage in the present situation. When I’m so stuck in my ways of only being the victim the silver lining becomes difficult to find. And that’s if I want to find it at all.
My journal started to reflect always being the victim as being a part of my personality. I needed to change my point of view on life to help me understand my life isn’t all bad. While scrolling my twitter timeline I saw a post by @RaveenTheDream who mentioned she purchased a journal “strictly for good things and gratitude” and like the snap of a finger an idea went off in my head.
This idea (tweet) couldn’t have come at a better time. I went over to Amazon to find a customized “happy journal” that stood out from my other daily journals. All of my other journals have been purchased at local stores but I decided this one had to be special. Something a little more personal where I go to recognize how great my inner circle is. How great I am. This is my escape to happiness. It’s rare that I speak kindly toward myself or anyone else around me when I’m upset so this journal would see me in a different light than I normally see myself. Even if it’s just for a small moment in time. My only rule to this journal is to write positive thoughts only. See the good in everything. I’ve been writing in it for over a month and I’m starting to see a difference in the way I treat my family, myself and friends. I don’t have it in me to be down in my feelings 24/7 about a temporary situation so it’s best that I see the good out of my day and move on.
This is something I would suggest to all of my friends and family but since they aren’t the writing type, I decided to bring it to my blog. Hopefully this post will encourage someone to see more positivity in their life just as her tweet encouraged me to write about the positives in my life.