Free Fall

via Daily Prompt: Retrospective

“Don’t send me back. Please. I beg of you.” I say to my brain every time I see myself standing at the intersection of Memory Lane and Trauma Avenue. Most times I can’t help but to fall into a dark hole and relive painful memories I wish so desperately to forget. There are still emotions attached to some memories while other memories have no feelings to them what so ever. Is this a good thing? Is it a good thing to go numb to things that hurt me?

I can answer that one right now…HELL YEAH! You mean to tell me I can relive a painful, embarrassing or downright scary past event and think “eh.” Sign me up!

At the same time I have to take some accountability for my own actions. In retrospect, I could’ve done things much differently so life could have played out in my favor. Unfortunately I didn’t which led me to this very moment. What if I’m living my life exactly as I’m supposed to live it? If that’s the case why do I feel so out of place?

Looking back on past events shouldn’t be a bad thing however I can’t help but look at it that way. I can get stuck or lost in my past memories with no way out. The sad thing is that I know I’m stuck. The even sadder thing is that I can become comfortable in how things turned out. I didn’t learn my lesson. Back into my free fall loop I go.

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4 thoughts on “Free Fall

  1. Great writing. I like the “real”. I get caught in that fall myself, that’s what led to sadness yesterday. Gratefully, I’m learning the way out I just don’t always take it. God bless you today to find your way out of the funnel and back to the oxygen of today and now. ♥️

    • Thank you! It gets tough some days. I’m learning when I’m stuck in my loop. I’m becoming more self aware as I get older and I’m able to recognize my location as far as my feelings/moods I’m in. Next I need to master the art of navigating my way out. I just hope God blesses both of us to see our way out.

  2. Pingback: Self discipline | Ameris' Blog

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